Test myself, lose yourself

The Story of You, Part 2.

Jay K.


[Last week, I went to Datong, Shanxi with my Chinese tutor. All pictures are from Datong]

Ep.39 Test myself, lose yourself

I just took HSK yesterday. I mentioned this test in my first post of this semester. It is the Chinese standardization test, which measures your Chinese ability. Of course, it cannot be a perfect measure for one’s fluency in Chinese, however, it gives a pretty good sense of where one’s standing in terms of language ability.

Many Korean and Japanese students take this test because its score can be used in their resume and it is a good proof that you can speak Chinese. However, as for me, I don’t need that “proof”. I am not planning to get a job in Korea like others (I am planning to take a test and become a civil servant, in which I don’t need a resume), and even if I do, I don’t think I need a proof like this. I can just tell them I am able to speak Chinese. Then, you might wonder why I even bothered taking this notorious HSK.

As I told you before, I invested my whole weekends to attend this private HSK school for a month. The tuition was around $100 and the test itself cost me $60 (it is even bigger investment if you consider my monthly allowance is only $300). I didn’t tell my dad I am taking this test, so I paid them with my own money. So many sacrifices and investments for this stupid test!


[Datong is famous for Yungang cave, where more than 52,000 Buddha statues are carved in twenty different caves]

I can say I took it for fun. More honestly, I took it to challenge myself. It was my way to improve my Chinese quicker than others. I thought taking Chinese classes is not enough to improve my Chinese as fast I want, so I started to take regular college courses. However, that is also not enough to me. I decided to take HSK, so as I study for the test, I can try harder to learn Chinese.

Taking test, regardless of what kind of test you are taking, gives you stress and pressure. That pressure helps you study hard. It is not the same as you are studying for some class or studying with a language partner. The test gives you the clear result that corresponds with how much you studied. Of course, Chinese that you learn from studying for the test is quite different from Chinese you learn from talking to locals—that’s the point. As I study for HSK, I can learn different parts of Chinese that my Chinese classes cannot cover. I don’t know if I am explaining this clearly. I am not saying that studying for a test is the best way to learn one language: it is not, it might be one of the worst ways to learn the language. What I am saying is that, even that worst method can add a little to my studying and improve my Chinese.

This little theory of improving one’s language ability through taking a test is what I learned when I was studying English in the States. When I just got to the States, I was in my end of sophomore year which meant I would become a junior soon and need to take SAT. I first needed to learn conversational English to survive. I also needed to study for high school classes and at the same time I had to study for SAT. SAT verbal English was surely not my level. Nonetheless, through studying for SAT and due to the pressure of college entrance issue, I improved my English fast. You can say that I am trying to copy exactly what I did when I was learning English.

What I want to emphasize is that learning a language is a multifaceted process. There are conversational (speaking and listening) and written (reading and writing) parts of the language. There are also the slangs and formals. There are also words that are used in daily-life and words used in a professional world. There are also words that are only used in literature or in old (or historical) form of the language. I am not saying they are all different from each other. These different parts of one language are indeed all connected. So leaning one part of the language helps improving the other parts. One needs to figure out where his strongest is and his weakest is and develop one’s own strategy to improve language proficiency in every aspect.

[The Nine Dragons]

Actually, I did a good job of studying Chinese through preparing for HSK. I went to prep classes every weekend and try to memorize words with flash cards and stuff. I stopped studying for HSK because of Jingdezhen trip and Datong trip and started again two weeks before the test. I solved a hundred practice questions every night for a week. I was pretty proud of myself, but unfortunately, I got sick after the first week of hardcore studying. I was sick for the whole second week, and I was even sick on the day of the test. I failed to manage my health and therefore lost my chance. I really regret that I didn’t take care of myself better. I could do much better on the test if I wasn’t sick, but that’s also a part of the test, I guess.

Surprisingly, the test itself wasn’t very hard, but I didn’t do well on the test. I did fine on the first three parts (listening, reading comprehension, and grammar), but not so well on the later two parts (speaking and writing). The problem was that I was too nervous. I mumbled a lot during the speaking part and forgot to write some simple characters on the writing part.

After the test, I was very disappointed at myself. I thought I was better than that, and I found out that I wasn’t. It was a very humbling experience. I realized that I still have a lot to study. My Chinese is still poor and I have so many areas to work on. I don’t think I can achieve my original goal, 10th level, and I might take the test again in June.

Today, it just happened to be that my Chinese teacher talked about learning foreign language. She told us that we shouldn’t give up, but keep studying and studying to achieve one’s goal, that is attaining some level of proficiency. She also told us to go crazy studying Chinese (yes, it sounds ridiculous). But I actually agree with her. Sometimes, you need to lose yourself if you want to get something. You don’t get anything if you don’t lose anything. In other words, you can get more if you are willing to lose more. I recommend you guys who are studying a foreign language, or pursuing anything that is important, to test yourself, and lose yourself.

[My friend's tutor and me]

Big Two and Big Daddy

The Story of You, Part 2.

Jay K.



[Me]


Ep.38 Big Two and Big Daddy

So I was on the trip last week and the week before that. I went to Jiangxi with my fellow EAP friends and went to Datong, Shanxi with my Chinese tutor. When you go on a trip with other people, there is one thing that you should take with you: a deck of playing cards.

It is really useful for killing time on train or something. You can play the Mafia, poker or drinking game with friends. Today I want to introduce one of the popular card games to you guys and my stories related with that game. However, it is not easy to tell you the name of the game, because there are so many different names for one game!

It is usually called “Big Two”, but it was also called “Pusoi” in my high school, and I recently found out there is one of the Chinese versions of Big Two called “Fight Against Landlord” (what a Chinese name for a card game). There are also other Chinese names for this game. I actually googled Big Two in order to know more about this game. It is surprisingly originated from China. And Pusoi is a Pilipino name of the game. I don’t want to explain all the rule of the game, but basically you just need to remember the 2s are the strongest cards in the game.



[We climed this famous Taoist Mt, Sanqing Mt]

[So Misty!]

I used to play this game a lot during my high school years. I played it almost every day during lunch time. I had this Taiwanese friend who was good at this game and that Taiwanese friend, Ave (whom I mentioned in the previous episode), and I always played together. I learned how to play that game from him. Because I played it every day, soon I got good at it, and I still consider myself pretty good at this game.

I also played Big Two when we were in Inner-Mongolia grassland yurts. We also played the game on the way to the Great Wall. I won so many games that my friends accused me of cheating. I really like this game, mostly because I am good at this game. Also, playing this game, you don’t need to depend on luck entirely, nor you need to lie to other people like when you play poker.

It was that first summer in the States. I had to attend summer school because I need to catch up. It was the first and last summer school in my life. I carpooled with that Taiwanese guy and another Taiwanese girl. None of us had a car and all of our guardians were too busy so they had to rotate giving us rides.

The class was from Monday to Thursday, four hours per day. I took a geometry class that summer. It was of course super easy for me. My classmates were all younger than me and one or two grade lower than me. They also liked to play Pusoy. Whenever we have a free time in class, especially after taking a test or something, we played Pusoy together. Remember that it was only 3, 4 months after I came to the States, which means my English wasn’t very good. All of my classmates were pure Americans.

The only tool of communication between me and classmates was playing Big Two. As you guys know, you really don’t need to speak fluent English when you play the card games. I was really good at the game and won the game almost every time. The classmates all thought that I was really smart. And, somehow they all started to like me. I was called Big Daddy, because first I was bigger than them, secondly because my last name is Kang sounds like Kane, the last name of the famous rapper: Big Daddy Kane. To be honest, I liked that nickname, too.

Whenever I think of my early days in the States, I think of that summer and of that summer school. It was a good experience for me. I learned a lot through communicating with the classmates. It was also very relaxing because the class was very easy and every day I just chilled with my classmates playing Big Two.

The first year in the States, as I told you guys before, gives me a very bleak and gloomy image. However, that summer was very brilliant and fresh in my vague memory. It was a really nice vacation for me.

[The china market in Jingdezhen]






I went to another trip with my Chinese tutor to Datong last weekend. We played “Fight against Landlord”. The rules are a bit different from Big Two, but the main theme is the same. Of course, I will remember the marvelous sceneries of Datong but I will also remember the games we played.

I think this episode is about one of the most insignificant stories on my blog, but you should remember that even something trivial like the card game can give you one of the most unforgettable memories in your life.

to see more pictures of my trip, please visit:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/iamadreamer/sets/72157616338030471/

Why am I here?

The Story of You, Part 2.

Jay K.

[The train to Jiangxi Province]

Ep.37 Why am I here?

I am on this wobbling bus heading where I don’t know. I am on another EAP organized trip; it will actually be the last trip for our year program. I am on this random road that I would never come back to in my life. I don’t know if you guys understand what I mean by this. It is a feeling that I often have when I am on a trip. When I was travelling during the last summer, I walked through some small back streets of some random small cities in China. Walking on those roads, I wondered whether I would ever be here again in my life? Probably not.

Many experiences in China were like this. I will never have this kind of experience once I leave here. Now I have only 3,4 month left until I leave here, I started to think about some questions that I didn’t have when I first arrived here. When I first got here, I was so overwhelmed with new culture and environment that I couldn’t afford to think about these questions. One question that I am recently pondering on is this: why am I here?

[me]

[A beautiful scenary of Chinese countryside]

[Clothes of buddhist monks]

Few days ago, the word “yuanfen (缘分)” came up in the discussion in my Chinese class. In English, it can be translated into “destiny” or “fate”. It is a supernatural concept, which means things happened for a reason. For example, there is a reason why my mom met and married my dad who was just one of ten thousands guys in her school. There is also a reason why I met you guys and we became friends. My favorite translation for yuanfen is actually “meant to be”. It meant to be happened like that.

I usually think about this “yuanfen” when I make friends. I just run into some people coincidentally for no reason, which makes me to fee that we are just meant to be friends. But some friends, even if I make appointments to meet them, every time for some reason it doesn’t work out. Then, I just think it’s just not meant to be.

A. Park was just like that. He is my good friend from high school. He is a Korean and he came to the States 4, 5 months later than me. In my high school, there were only two Korean students (excluding Korean Americans). So it was a pretty big deal if a new student came from Korea or even nearby Korea such as Taiwan or Japan. I heard the news from my ESL teacher that one Korean guy from Korea came to our school and would take classes with us. I was very happy and really wanted to meet him, but every time I went to a classroom to meet him, he wasn’t there. For a whole week, I couldn’t see his face. At that time, I thought it wasn’t just meant to be. So I just stop looking for him. But, fortunately, it was the end of that week when I went to my church on Sunday and met this random looking dude. He was just Ave. We became a friend after.

[Jingdezhen, the place we went, is famous for making porcelins]

However, “yuanfen” is not only about between people and people, but is also about between people and place, job, or anything. I think I am meant to be a polisci major. When I was young, my grandma went to this Korean traditional fortuneteller. The fortuneteller told my grandma that I would become a great politician. At that time, I wanted to be a comic artist or writer. I thought that fortuneteller is a quack. But as I grow up, I became more and more interested in politics.

I am not superstitious or anything. I am an atheist. I don’t believe someone up there arranged these happenings, but I believe every meeting between people is special.

Now, let’s come back to my question: why am I here? “Here” I mean China. Am I just meant to be here? Why did I decide to come here in the first place?

I don’t remember why I decided that. To tell the truth, I even don’t remember when I decided that. I started to think about studying abroad in my first year of college. Actually, I started to think about it when I came to the campus orientation. During the orientation, I found out that there is such thing as studying abroad for the first time. After that, I decided to go studying abroad on my third year, and so naturally I decided to come to China.

[Rusty knief]


[Will this person who carved his name on the bamboo come back to here again?]

Why China? It isn’t easy to answer that question. It just became a fact that I was coming to China. I wasn’t into any of Chinese pop culture. Obviously, I am not a Chinese American who wants to know about my ethnic background. I am not a business person, so growing Chinese economy didn’t attract me at all. I didn’t have a Chinese girlfriend or something. I am also not a communist.

The only reason I can think of is the trip with my mom. It was 7 or 8 years ago. My mom took me to Japan when I was in the 7th grade, then she took me to China when I was an 8th grader. I guess she wanted to show me the world. She was also planning to send me to study abroad in China. That plan didn’t work out well but, she was seriously considering it. At that time, I didn’t know what “studying abroad” meant really. Then, I was just a typical Korean boy who spent his whole life in Korea. Studying in China sounded interesting to me at that time.

It was the cold winter when we came to Beijing. Back then, of course, I didn’t know that that trip would be the last trip that I would ever go on with my mom. I didn’t know that. The trip was fun even though I only remember parts of it. I remember the places we went. China was so huge to a 14-years-old boy who grew up in Korea for all of his life. I still remember walking through the Forbidden City and was amazed by the scale of that palace. I also remember the meals weren’t good except the last meal when we ate the Peking duck. I was young then. I couldn’t imagine that I would study Chinese and come back there 8 years later.

[I was speechless!]

Last night, we were on train and played games till 1 or 2 am. We started to ask some personal questions and one of the questions was: “who do you want to bring to China right now”. To be honest, I don’t have anyone particular I want to bring here. I thought of my dad, because he was supposed to come but decided not to come. I thought of Cindy. I thought of Danny, my best friend from high school. Nonetheless, I told everyone I want to bring my mom here right now, because I want to be with her. Oh, now I don’t want to write this.

Back to the question; I don’t think it’s because of my mom that I came to China. It’s just meant to be like that. It was just meant to be that my mom and I came to China 8 years ago; I was also just meant to be that I came here for studying abroad 8 years from that trip. I don’t know if you guys know what I mean by this.

It’s so weird. Eight years ago, I visited the Summer Palace, one of the famous tourist sights in Beijing. At that point, I didn’t think I would ever come back to that place again. But eight years later I visited there again. As I was walking around the lake of the Summer Palace last summer, I just realized I was on that exact spot eight years ago with my mom. It’s so weird, isn’t it?

I am sorry for you guys and for myself that I cannot give a conclusive answer for this question. I don’t know why I am here. It can have many reasons, or it can have no reason. I should be satisfied with the answer that I was just meant to be here.






to see more pictures, please visit:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/iamadreamer/sets/72157616425157448/