Opportunity cost

The Story of You, Part 2.

Jay K.

Ep.17 Opportunity cost

I cannot believe I already wrote 16 entries. If I write at this pace, I will write almost 100 entries by the end of the program (I don’t know that’s a good thing or not). Quick catch up; I am very busy these days, taking a way over 20 units (semester units). I think I am busier than when I was in Berkeley. I am also still adjusting to new environment, it takes time.

Also, something important happened to me this week. However, I cannot tell you guys what it is. Do you remember when I first started this essay I told you guys that I won’t be honest sometimes? I cannot be honest about this because it involves some confidential stuff. Then, you might ask why even I write about it on here if I don’t want to talk about it. I still write about it because this event is still important to me and to my life in Beijing.

[At the Chinese/Russian Students Art Exhibition, which I went to take pictures for KSA]

Opportunity cost is a very well known concept in economics. I remember when I first learned the concept of opportunity cost in 7th (or might be 8th) grade in Korea. Since then, whenever I learn economics (whether it’s Econ2 at UCB or Chinese econ at PKU) I first encounter that concept. Opportunity cost actually has many implications, but one simple implication is this: you need to give up other things to get something that you want. Simple enough; there is no free lunch.

Why do I talk about this? It’s because I am giving up something for something else. I am giving up Xian trip. Xian is one of the most historical cities in China. My program organized this trip and this is my last chance to travel with my fellow EAP friends. I really, again really, wanted to go this trip. It will be lots of fun, but I am giving this up. It was a tough decision for me. What do I get instead of that trip? I get a chance to join Korean Students Association at PKU. I know that it sounds stupid. I joined KSA and we need to participate in International Culture Festival, which is on the same day as the Xian trip (10/25).

I will take pictures for KSA as a photographer and participate in the festival. It sounds fun too, but Xian sounds far more interesting. Nonetheless, I have reasons for giving up the trip. Xian trip is only for one weekend whereas KSA is for a whole year. I’ve been to many cities in China already (although Xian is a little special). I can travel there by myself in winter if I really want to. I really want to hang out with my EAP friends too but one weekend can’t be that big of deal for our friendship (hopefully not). So, I decided to join KSA and I joined. No regret (maybe a little bit).



[It was very interesting to watch Russian students' performances)

However, giving up Xian trip is not only opportunity cost that I need to pay for joining KSA. Joining KSA implies a lot of other things. First, it means that I will be busy with KSA stuff meaning that I will have less time learning Chinese. More importantly, I will hang out more with Korean people that I will less hang out with local Chinese people.

When I first went to the States, I didn’t have this problem. I lived in Agoura Hills, a white suburb. More than 80% of students were whites in my high school. There were only four Korean FOBs in my school and one dropped out in my senior year. I had only one good Korean friend whom I could speak Korean. That was why I could learn English faster than others. It’s not really that I wanted to hang out with only Americans, but it just happened to be in that way.

In college, I could’ve hung out more with Koreans, but I didn’t. I have only few good Korean friends in Berkeley (here I’m talking about Korean Koreans, not Korean Americans), but most of my friends are Asian Americans or just Americans. I guess I was just used to hang out with you guys. To be honest, I had tried few times to meet more Koreans in Berkeley, but it wasn’t easy. I didn’t like any Korean clubs there. Since I was PoliSci major, it was hard to meet any FOBs in my major classes. So, I don’t have many Korean friends in Berkeley. Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoy hanging out with you guys (Americans)—I do. It’s just that I needed something more.

After all, I am a Korean (well, you guys all know that). I lived in Korea so many years, not just many years, but many important years. However, I never experienced “Korean college life”. I always wanted to have that. I never hung out with more than two Koreans at one time. It might seem strange to you guys. You might don’t understand it: I wanted to be more Korean.

I always think myself as Korean. There is no identity or nationality confusion, or question for me. There is no doubt that I am Korean. Most of you guys will think me as Korean as possible—yes, I am a FOB. But, to many Koreans who live in Korea, I am not Korean enough. There is no doubt that I will return to Korea after college and live there, but sometimes I am afraid that I won’t fit into the society. I am afraid that I will be too American in Korean society. I fear that. As the day of my graduation comes closer, this fear grows bigger and bigger. I started to question myself: can I really live in Korea? I never asked such question when I was in high school. Never imagined such thing; that’s why I fear about this more.

This is my reason why I am joining KSA. This third year of college will be very important for the rest of my life. I am preparing my return to Korea. I was thinking about studying abroad a semester in China and another semester in Korea just for this reason. I couldn’t do that because PKU only offers a year program and I need to graduate too. I still want to know what I will encounter when I go back.

But, still one might ask me why I’m doing it here in China where I need to learn Chinese and Chinese society. I think that’s a very good question; I asked myself too. It is first because here are many Koreans in China and I got a chance to meet them. I don’t want to deliberately avoid Koreans in order to learn Chinese. I accidentally met many Koreans and want to hang out with them; it’s that simple. And, I will try my best to learn Chinese and make Chinese friends. I will do both. I am slowly meeting local Chinese friends and also through my Korean friends, I’m meeting some Chinese friends too. I am trying to minimize my opportunity cost.

This episode was too serious that I don’t know you guys enjoyed reading it. I actually wanted to have this talk. I don’t know whether I will regret my decision later. I hope not.

Ps. in the next episode, I will write about my life at PKU.

more pictures at http://www.flickr.com/photos/iamadreamer/