I don’t know “giving up” (2)

The Story of You, Part 2.

Jay K.

Ep.20 I don’t know “giving up” (2)

The Admissions Committee would like to know more about you in your own words. Please submit a brief essay, either autobiographical or creative, which you feel best describes you:

I cannot forget the day when I first came to the U.S. in February of 2004. It was the year when the biggest change in my life unsettled me. I practically lived in Korea my whole life. I was forced to leave my friends and all that I loved. It was even more difficult because I lost my dearest one, my mom. Adapting to a new country right after the painful event was horrible and depressing to me. To make me more miserable, I needed to prepare for college. How could I go to college in the U.S., if I could not speak English at all? However, time would not wait for me and I was determined to overcome my difficulties for my mom and myself.

Eventually I earned straight “A’s” in my junior year which was also my first year in the U.S. Every “A” on my report card was important to me, but I especially kept my eyes on my English class. I proved to others and myself that I was capable of succeeding in a regular English class.

When I tried to take the regular English class, every one discouraged me from it. The teachers of the regular English and ESL classes thought that I was not ready for taking it and they wanted me to take the lower level English class. However, I knew that if I took the lower level English class, there would be no way for me to go straight into a four-year college. I wanted to give my best effort to take the regular English class, even if it meant failing it. At least then I would not have any doubts about whether or not I could have succeeded in a regular English class. When I received the “D” on my first quarter report card, the English teacher said, “I think you are going the wrong way.” I was depressed when I heard it, but I was determined to show that I was not going the wrong way.

[I went on a day trip to Tianjin, the city near Beijing]

[in front of Tianjin University, with friends]

…I failed many vocabulary tests and I felt like a disabled person, but one thing that helped me endure this was that I could think. I could think as any other American student and try harder to succeed in my English class. There was no reason to feel inferior, since I tried harder than any of my classmates. I could accomplish many things in very short time.

When I came to here, I had to start over from the very beginning to learn English, even though I earned good grades in my English class in Korea. The English I learned in Korea usually emphasized on grammar and reading, but I quickly realized that it was not enough to survive in school in America. Speaking was especially difficult for me because I am generally a shy and quiet person. With something as simple as asking the teacher a question, I struggled with this. When I asked a question to my teachers, they did not understand me because I could not pronounce “question” well. I always had to repeat myself. I needed to ask questions in order to learn and so I practiced pronouncing the word “question” in the shower. As I overcame this simple difficulty, I could improve my English skill and succeeded in classes.

Now, I can say that my junior year was successful, but I still need to make constant efforts to learn English. To study in college will be another challenge for me. I know that my English skills are limited compared to other students, but I am sure that I can handle it well as long as I remember the lessons I have learned from overcoming my challenges and as long as I can think and give my best effort.

[the famous dumpling restaurant in Tianjin, "Goubuli"]

The above paragraphs are from my college application essay (they are actual copies). I don’t know it was for which school. The following essay is for the UC system:

Is there anything you would like us to know about you or your academic record that you have not had the opportunity to describe elsewhere in this application?

The grades and scores on my transcript may show that I overcame many academic difficulties such as my challenges with learning English. However, this difficulty was not the only thing that I confronted when I came to this country from Korea.

Right after my mother passed way, I came to American to live with my aunt and uncle because there was no one who could take care of me in Korea. I had to leave my school along with my friends. I came to this country unprepared unlike most foreign students who have planned from the very beginning to come to America to study. Adjusting to my new surrounding was full of challenges. I was full of sorrow and blamed my situation on the unexpected tragedy…

Even in the midst of my tragedy, I was able to realize that this was another opportunity in my life, but this was not without its challenges. I tried hard in school despite my emotions and family problems…

It was easy to say that I needed to learn English, but it was difficult for me to go beyond my comfort zone and use English everyday with the fears that others may ridicule me. The only way I knew how to overcome these challenges was to find the strength to continue on and move forward. I realized that I needed to try and stand fast to my resolution of not giving up in order to overcome many difficulties. The challenges that I have faced these past two years in America have allowed me to grow and mature in ways that would not have been possible otherwise. Like a boatman who paddles intently when he is met with high waves, I have been able to spur myself on toward success because of my difficulties.

I can say that last two years have been the hardest times in my life as well as the most important. Through the struggles I have faced, I learned the important lesson of determination and perseverance, which I believe will help me overcome the challenge I will face in college. These things cannot be seen on my transcript but it is apparent in my life. Over the past two years, I did not only learn English and American culture, but also the thing that is very essential to life: facing challenges build strength.

The above two essays are talking about very similar things with slightly different focuses. At that time, my tutor helped me to write them. He helped me mostly with grammars and sometime helped me on structures too. My English writing skill at that time wasn’t very good; and still isn’t very good. However, these essays are stories of me with my own words.

I know that I could get into Berkeley only because of my essays. My SAT score was 200 points below than what was minimally required by the school. My high school GPA was 3.8, which was decent, but wasn’t outstanding.

The essays are basically saying that my life sucks but despite of it I try hard and I can do it. I look back now and I think I actually tried hard then. I feel like today I don’t have the same level of determination and whatever you call that made me to do well in school and face the challenges.

I want to talk more about that English class which is mentioned in both of my essays. So, the first year in the States, I had to choose which English class I would take in my junior year. One was a regular English class and the other one was basically for students who don’t want to study hard. The lower level English class was also for American students, but most of these students were not planning to go to a four-year college. That was why I didn’t want to take that class.

My ESL teacher and everyone else discouraged to take the regular English class and told me to take the other one, but I chose to take the regular one. As it was expected, the regular English course was hard for me and I got Ds on my first in-class essay and vocab quiz.

After the first quarter of the semester, the English teacher told me to stay after class. After class, she told me that “I think you are going the wrong way.” She wanted me to drop the class and just take the lower level one. It was really depressing as well as humiliating to listen.

When I was listening to her, in my mind, I thought “I don’t want to give up here. I want to keep trying” I wanted to tell to my teacher. However, at the moment, I forgot how to say “give up” in English. So I couldn’t say anything but just listened to her. After talking to her, I walked to home. It usually took 40mins to get home. I had to walk because I didn’t have a license and I didn’t have any friend who would give me a ride at that time. Imagine walking 40 minutes after hearing that humiliating comments from the teacher.

As I was walking, I remembered how to say “to give up” in English, but it was too late. I couldn’t go back and tell her that. Anyway, as I was walking home, I told myself, “yeah I don’t know giving up, that’s why I forgot how to say “giving up” in English. There is no word “giving up” in my mind. I don’t know giving up, let’s keep trying and trying.”

It was one of the saddest moments during my first year in the States, but also the most hopeful moment.

As my essay for college application describes it, I finally got an A from that English class. For the first quarter of the first semester, I got a D. For the second quarter, I got a C and a B- for the third and B for the 4th quarter of the first semester. I received an A at the end of the year. That was my junior year, in senior year I got A’s throughout the year and got an A+ for the final grade from the English class. I still remember the first book we read in that English class. It was Crucible and I don’t know how many times I read that book by myself to catch up with others.

In the end, the teacher, who told me I was on the wrong way, apologized to me. She told me that she was one that who was wrong. She also wrote a letter of recommendation for my college application. I still thank her for making me to try harder. Thank her for humiliating me and making me to challenge.

Again, I’m not telling you these stories to glorify myself or to show off. I just want to remind myself how hard I tried before and how I am not doing that now. I want to remind myself how hard I need to try here in order to get something out of this one year program. I think it is the time to forget “giving up” in my mind again.

I want to stop here today, and I will continue the story of me in China in the next episode.

I don’t know “giving up” (1)

The Story of You, Part 2.

Jay K.



[Gold]

Ep.19 I don’t know “giving up” (1)

I feel like since I started to write about my life in China and in PKU, I only have written about fun parts of my life: my trips, going outs, and so on. Actually, for the most of the time here, I’m busy with memorizing Chinese characters and preparing for the classes. Only 20% of my daily life is something that I wrote in this essay. In other words, only 20% of my life is interesting enough to tell you guys.

I want to talk about some of my classes today, especially classes that I am auditing now. I am auditing two classes in School of Government. One is called western system of civil servants, and the other one is called strategic management.


[The Autumn at PKU]


There are three different majors under School of Government: political science, public administration, and urban management. Western system of civil servants class is a general elective class for all three majors. Strategic management class is under urban management, it is rather like a business class than a political science class.





[The Nameless Lake at my school]








Let me tell you this before I tell you guys anything else: these classes are all taught in Chinese. I decided to audit these classes, first because I am curious about Chinese polisci classes, second to improve my Chinese, and third to prepare for the next semester. When I first started taking these two classes, I understood only 5% of what the professors said. Now, I can say I understand about 50 to 60%, a great improvement!

The western system of civil servants class is about civil servants system of different western countries including USA, UK, France, Japan (westernized country, I guess), and Germany. The class is very dry and sometimes boring although the professor is really good. So far the materials I learned are not that new or profound. For two hours of class, the professor just tells us about the facts—different institutions of civil servants—and stories to help us to understand.

In the strategic management class, we learn how to make a good strategy, the good strategy for firms, or local governments. I never took a business class before, so it is interesting for me to learn a different discipline. The professor for this class actually studied at Berkeley for a year. In lecture, he makes a lot of references to the States and comparisons, which is pretty funny to listen.







Since I’m just auditing them and not taking for credits, I feel less pressure. However, they are still very challenging, and take a lot of efforts to keep up with the lectures. Think about it. I only learned Chinese for two years, so my ability of Chinese is the same as that of elementary students or junior high students. With that level of Chinese, I am trying to take a regular college course: not a science class, but a polisci class, in which the language skill is crucial. It is not even an introductory class for freshmen, but rather a major class for upper classmen. Moreover, I’m not just taking a course at community college or whatever university, but one of the most prestigious universities in China.

I am not trying to glorify myself or anything, I am just stating the facts and difficulties that I am dealing with. Taking these classes actually reminds me of high school years.







In my senior year, which was my 2nd year in the States, I took AP government class. For many of you guys, whose high school GPA were easily over 4.0, AP government might not mean anything. But for me, who recently got used to the system and started to speak English more comfortably, “AP gov” meant a lot.

I really wanted to take it, and wanted to take a challenge. Of course, it wasn’t easy for me. Imagine trying to read Federalist Paper #10 with only one year of formal education in the States (although I took English classes in Korea which is similar to Spanish classes in the States). To be honest, I still have difficulties when I read Federalist Paper today, so how hard would it be at that time? I liked my AP gov teacher and he was nice and different from any other teacher, but he was also a hard grader and teacher. We had to read average 50 pages before every class, things like Federalist Paper and Supreme Court cases.

Then, we had to answer to one or two essay question every class. The essay questions were like following: what is the meaning of “faction” and the problems of “faction” that are addressed in Madison’s Federalist Paper #10, or what is the significance of McCulloch v. Maryland case?



[The PKU campus, beautiful!]






At that time, I barely understood what I read and didn’t have writing capability to rearticulate the reading materials that I read. So, I got D or F on every quiz (he was a hard grader). Later, I changed my tactic. I just memorized important parts of the readings, rather than trying to articulate them in my own words.

I really learned a lot in that AP gov class. It truly prepared me for college courses (specially my major courses). I still write answers to essay questions in a way that I learned in AP gov. It was really hard at that time, but hardship truly paid off later. Without taking that class, my senior year in high school would have been easy and comfortable, yet unproductive and boring: there would have been no progress.

I still have more stories regarding this topic, but today I will stop at here. It’s been four months since I came to China, and I am unsatisfied with the speed of my improvement in Chinese. Maybe I am just being impatient; I still have nine more months. Whether I am being impatient or not, I need to take challenges continuously, and should not be afraid of new challenges. I know that is the one of ways to learn another language fast and enhance your capability.






ps. I am so happy and satisfied with these pictures. :) I took them on last Wednesday, the victorious day for Obama and America, also I skipped a class and took pictures.

more pictures at http://www.flickr.com/photos/iamadreamer/

My 21st Birthday in China

The Story of You, Part 2.

Jay K.

[me and my roommates]

Ep.18 My 21st Birthday in China

It’s been a while since I’ve written the last episode. I am sure you guys are also very busy with midterms, so do I. I’m busy with not only midterms but also with many others things. So, the last Friday (exactly a week ago from today) was my 21st birthday. Yes, I am an adult now, but you know that doesn’t mean anything.

I recall my 18th birthday and that was the funniest birthday in my 21 years of life. The 19th birthday was the most painful, yet memorable birthday of my life. The last year, my 20th birthday, was very plain unlike the other ones. On the last birthday, I just hung out with many friends and I was very thankful for that I had that many friends to celebrate my birthday with. This year, my 21st birthday in China, was the busiest birthday of my life!

If you guys read the last article and remember that I was debating whether I should to go to Xian with my friends or attend International Culture Festival as a member of Korean Student Association. In the last episode, I decided to stay in Beijing and work for KSA rather than going down to Xian. However, the plan got changed. The University changed the date of ICF to Sunday (10/26) from Saturday which meant that I could go down to Xian with my friends on Friday night and come back on Sunday morning before ICF started. And that Friday was my 21st birthday.

The plan was simple enough. The plan is following: on my birthday (10/24), I go down with my friends to Xian (14 hours of train ride) and arrive at Xian in the next morning. I have fun with friends on Saturday (10/25) in Xian and I take a train that Saturday night to come back on Sunday morning to Beijing (10/26) so that I can attend ICF. Now you understand why I call my 21st birthday was the busiest birthday in my life.

I will tell you guys every minute of those three days (not literally, but close enough).

10/23. 6:00pm.

We should first go back to Thursday (10/23), the day before my birthday. On Thursday night, I celebrated my birthday with Karen, a new Korean friend I made here. She is really nice and helped me a lot in the polisci class. She bought me a dinner (of course, we had Korean BBQ!) and we talked about for three hours. She really made me to feel like home. I really enjoyed that time.

[My Chinese classmates at the lunch]

10/24. 8:00am.

Now we move to Friday (10/24), the actual day of my birthday. While economists in the United States were worrying about the new Black Thursday and Great Depression on the 79th anniversary of initial stock market crash (10/24/1929), I went to 8am class as usual in China. Nothing special, the class was boring as usual.

I almost forgot that my grandma called me right before the class started. She is one that always remembers my birthday. I was really touched.

12:00pm.

My class ended at noon. I am the class leader of my Chinese class (meaning I organize simple class activities). That Friday, the class was having a lunch together which I planned a week ago. So I had to lead my classmates to this Chinese restaurant, and make sure everyone was having a good time. It was tiring for me. I was busy taking care of foods for others so I couldn’t eat well. However, the lunch was fun and refreshing. In China, there are lots of class activities. For example, in my strategic management class, the professor bought the students late night meal after class.

2:30pm

The lunch ended around 2pm, but however I couldn’t go back to home. I had to pick up a movie camera that would be used for recording International Culture Festival. While I was doing that, I also called friends for my birthday dinner that night. Oh, I also had to pack for the Xian trip that I would go on the same night.

5:30pm

My birthday dinner was at 5:30, a bit early because we had to leave the campus at 7:50 for Xian. The restaurant was 20 minutes away from the campus so we barely had two hours for dinner. 12 people came to the dinner, which were more than what I expected. It was again Korean BBQ. I really had fun. I was happy that over the last three month I made good friends whom I can have fun time with. Before I came to China, I worried a lot about friends because it was the first year in college all over again. Making new friends is always frightening and tiring.
Everything was very tight and the time wasn’t enough but we had a good time. Of course, I couldn’t help thinking about the last year’s birthday and friends back home, but I cannot always think about the past. I should enjoy the present, because it’s a gift!

In Ratatouille, Gusteau tells to Remy, “Ah, but that is no match for wishful thinking! If you focus on what’s you’ve left behind, you’ll never be able to see what lies ahead”.

After having a dinner, we all came back to campus to get on the bus that would take us to the railway station. The train was leaving Beijing at 9:30pm.


[the stupid card game we played in the train]

[my birthday cake]

[my birthday dinner]

9:50pm

The train left Beijing Railway Station to Xi’An which is located the west of Beijing. It’s really fun to take a train with your friends. We ate my birthday cake on the train and played card games until 1am the next day.

My 21st birthday was passing like that. I was twenty anymore. It wasn’t as sad as my 20th birthday when I was no more a teenager. Every birthday, I try to look at the past and plan the future. I thought about the future and the past right before I went to sleep on the train. I felt everything was moving so fast. Maybe I’m doing too many stuffs that I’m not really enjoying that life. But on the second thought, I am not that busy, so I can’t really complain.

10/25 8:00am

Around 8am we arrived at Xian, the city of history and civilization. Xian is considered as one of the four origin of human civilization. The city was the capital of many dynasties in the history of China including the first unified kingdom of China (Qin).

We first headed to the hotel and had a breakfast. It was really different from travelling by myself. It was fun to move with many people and just hang out. I really didn’t care about sights that we went; I just went all the way to Xian to have a good time with friends.

11:00am

We went to our first tourist site in Xian—the provincial museum. My good friend from Berkeley who now works in Shanghai called me for my birthday. I was really happy to talk to him.

1:00pm

We had a nice lunch together. The trip reminded me of the summer trips that we went together such as the Great Wall trip and Inner Mongolia trip. I missed people who went back to the States after the summer program was over.

[at the Big Goose pagoda]

2:30pm

We visited the Big Goose pagoda, a Tang dynasty Buddhist structure. The pagoda was very nice. There wasn’t any spectacular or magnificent building, but the park around the tower was very nice to walk around. I just had fun taking pictures with friends and walking around the tower. However I kept thinking about the ride back to Beijing. I had to leave Xian in 4 hours.

6:00pm

Because of the traffic jam, we arrived at the restaurant late. My train was at 8:30pm, so I had to leave the restaurant at 6:20 at the latest. That gave me only 20 minutes to eat the supper. I was really sad leaving friends and going back by myself. However, that was what I planned and wanted. I really had a good time in Xian and no regret that I went there although it was super tiring.

[the museum]

9:00pm

I got on my train heading back to Beijing. Actually if you calculate, the time I spent on the train is longer than the time I spent in Xian, but again no regret that I went to Xian. I was really tired so I just went to sleep early around 10pm.

[Xi'An railway station at night]

10/26 7:00am

I woke up early on Sunday. The train was delayed. The International Culture Festival was starting at 9am. I was supposed to get to Beijing at 8am. And around 7:30 am, I got one text message from the editor of KSA telling me that we were meeting at 8:30am. I had to say “Shit” in my mind.

So I arrived at 8:00am at the railroad station. I grabbed a cab and ran back to the campus. I don’t want to bother explaining how tried I was at that time. I came back to my dorm and rested for 10 minutes and after people started calling me. I had to leave my room and start my day again!

9:00am to 5:00pm. The International Culture Festival is the annual event organized by the University. This year was the 5th ICF. It is the event for many foreign students who study in PKU to show their country and culture to other people. You can say there is two parts of ICF; one is the main stage performances, and the other is each country’s booth display. Every country had its own booth where they can exhibit their culture, food, and etc. Korea also has its booth which is the one of the biggest booth due to the large number of Korean students in PKU.

[a group playing Korean traditional instrucments]

[volunteers for the game KSA prepared]

My job was recording the whole event with my camera. I stayed in Korean booth and took pictures for events that our KSA prepared. I also went to other countries’ booths and took pictures. I also went to the main stage where different teams were performing dance, singing, and more. I was very busy for a whole day, but had lots of fun. Especially because I just got back from Xian, I didn’t have much energy to enjoy the festival.

I had lots of fun experiencing different cultures. The foreign students’ community in PKU is very large and diverse. There are Koreans (South and North), Japanese, Americans, French, Germans, Thai, Indians, Bangladesh, Italians, and Chinese (including students from Hong Kong, Macau, and Taiwan).

[Korean B-boy team]

[yay]

[Hola]

[I WANT MY THAI ICED TEA]

[Bangladash girl painting on my friend's hand]

[she was HOT]

[Taegwondo performance]

The festival ended around 4:30pm but after cleaning up it was almost 5:30. However, my day didn’t end at there. The PKU Idol (yes, it is like American Idol) was going on that night and I had to go there to take pictures for KSA.

8:00pm

The PKU Idol is a signing competition for foreign students. You have to sing number of songs and also show your other “talents”. The night was finale of the PKU Idol; 10 people competed for the last one. For the last round, there were three teams left: Korean duet, a French girl, and a Vietnamese girl. The two Koreans guys were really amazing (I’m not saying this because I’m a Korean). Other girls were really good too but the winner was the Korean duet. They won the PKU Idol.

The show ended around 10:30pm. I was really tired after the show. It seemed my day was ending and now I could finally rest. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case. The next day was Monday, and I had a midterm on that day. Alas! Because I was busy with all these things, obviously I didn’t study enough for the test.

However, it was impossible for me to stay up and study. It was actually impossible.

[Korean traditional wedding that KSA performed. They are actually going out. so cute]

10/27 5:00am

So the next day I got up early. Early I mean 5:00am. The test was at 10am. I had five hours to study, and I studied hard. I really did.

The test was the hardest Chinese test I ever had in my life. The result wasn’t that good. However, the test was over and I eventually could rest for a while. It was the official end of my 21st birthday which started 3 days before.

I took a long nap that day and continued my week after.

[The vietnamese girl who competed in the last round of PKU idol]

[the Korean duet who won the PKU idol, yay Koreans!]

[American team]

[The festival's over!]

This is the story of my 21st birthday. It was long and busy. But I really enjoyed the whole time and made the most of it. I don’t regret that I went to Xian and I don’t regret that I came early for ICF. I don’t regret that I didn’t study for the midterm enough. My birthdays will come again every year, but my 21st birthday will never come again. That is why I have no regret.

more pictures of Xi'An trip and International Culture Festival at
http://www.flickr.com/photos/iamadreamer as usual

Thank you for reading my blog :)