Few thoughts on 2009

The Story of You, Part 2.

Jay K.



[Glowing Boya Tower at PKU]

Ep.26 Few thoughts on 2009

New Year, the year of 2009, or the year of the Cow, has come. Whether I wanted or not, it has come. Since the last week, I felt I had to write something about the end of the year and upcoming New Year, but I was busy and so procrastinated and today is already January 1st, 2009. To be honest, I had nothing to write. I was going to recapitulate my 2008, but that doesn’t sound interesting enough to write, so I gave up.

When I write an episode, I usually try to write with unified thoughts. If you read my past episodes, you will know what I mean by this. However, today I will just write some random thoughts that I have at the turn of the year.

#1. I don’t feel like the New Year at all

I cannot believe I went to class on the New Year’s Eve. Since the 1st grade, I think it is the first time that I did this. You guys might not know that Chinese still celebrate Lunar New Year, which is about mid-January. January 1st is also an official holiday now, but still it is not the New Year for them. So only many foreign students celebrate the New Year’s Eve and New Year.

However, that’s not why I don’t feel like the New Year. It has been like that since so many years ago. Every new year doesn’t feel like a new year. I don’t know why. It starts to hit me by June or July when the new year is already half over. Is it just me or does every one also feels like me? I don’t know. I feel it is just another day. Nothing really new. Especially this year, because I still haven’t taken my final exams. I am still in school, studying for finals. Nothing really new.

[Wudaokou, the K-town]

#2. Having a Meaningful New Year’s Eve

I was in Korea on the night of the New Year’s Eve in 2004, and watched the Tolling Bell Ceremony, which they do every year in Korea. In 2005, I watched something on TV and just went to sleep—I was in Agoura Hills then. The year before the last year, I went to Times Square, NYC to celebrate the New Year’s Eve, but because it was ridiculously crowded, I just came back before the New Year. The last year, I just went over to the family friend’s house and spent time there.

As you see my past years, I never had a meaning New Year’s Eve. I guess I can say that 2004 was meaningful because I was in Korea. Anyway, so this year, I wanted to have something different, but I ended up doing something that’s even less meaningful.

I went drinking with other international student friends (mostly Koreans and Japanese). Of course, I didn’t drink. I just watched people getting wasted. I think that’s not a good way to spend the New Year’s Eve and celebrating New Year. It was interesting to witness that and experience Koreans’ drinking culture but it wasn’t very meaningful time.

#3. Drama

As I was talking to some of my friends last night and talking to other people some other time, I realized that college students are all the same whether you are from Korea, Japan or the States. All they talk about is relationships (I am exaggerating a little).

#4. I don’t want something new

Last night, around 2am, before I go to sleep, I was thinking this: I don’t want something new. Every New Year, I plan something new and make New Year resolutions. That’s not bad, but it’s just that now I just want something continuous. I am tired of trying new things and adventuring. Last year I was excited for the New Year, because I was going to move here, China. I was excited about the new environment and change (yes, like Obama, I love “Change”).

Now, actually I am tired for that. I know I sound old and conservative, but now I want something continuous whether that’s my work, friends or relationship. I want something that I can expect that to be there for me, what I mean is that I want something doesn’t change and always there.

In a half year, I am going to move back to the States. And after another year I will leave the States and go back to Korea. And then I will join the army for about 2 years. At least for the next 4 years, I will be moving around the world. Honestly, I want to stay at one spot. It’s really stressful to think about saying goodbyes and making new friends: I am tired of adapting to new culture and society. I know I cannot complain because I chose to do this. I didn’t initiate it, but I chose to come to China and go back to Korea after college. I chose to say goodbyes and make new friends again and again.

I am tired. I want a rest. I am lonely. I want to be with someone.

Oh well, it’s 2009. I am again expecting something hopeful.