Dear Cindy pt.1

The Story of You, Part 2.

Jay K.

[Everything was white when I looked out the window that morning]

Ep.34 Dear Cindy pt.1

Dear Cindy

Thank you for the card, Cindy! I really didn’t expect to get it in the morning, and it just totally made my day. I read it during my Chinese class and it made me smile through the whole class. I love the card; it is actually very cute, a bit random though.

It was snowing crazy last two days here in Beijing. I woke up in the morning and saw the beautifully white campus through my window and just ran out with my camera—you know me. It was really nice for the first day, but it kept snowing and I slowly realized how annoying these white stuffs are. I heard this snow was actually artificial, which means almighty CCP controlled the weather and made it to snow because there was serious drought in northern China—just how they made it to rain before the Olympics so it could clean out the air. Seriously, anything can happen in China.

You told me it is a semester of tremendous change for you. I bet it is, because it is the last semester for you. I still remember when I was talking to you in your dorm room one evening. If I remember it correctly, I think it was the first time that we had a “deep” conversation. I remember you were debating with yourself about your major and what you wanted to do in future. Your parents wanted you to do business and you didn’t like that so much. I as an ignorant freshman gave you an advice: do whatever you wanna do. Time goes so fast, it is already your last semester and you will graduate soon. I don’t know the last three years and half went just how you imagined and wanted them to be.

[The White World]

I don’t know what kind of challenges you are facing right now. I really want to have a talk with you like how we did that evening in your room, but I know we can’t, so I am writing this long letter. You know I just write how I speak, so there won’t be much difference. I assume that challenges you mentioned in the letter are related to your future, precisely after you graduate.

I’m sure you have many promising options in front of you and you don’t know what to choose. What I want to tell you is the same as what I told you that evening: do whatever you wanna do. Don’t think about challenging yourself or anything. Also, take your time. You still have lots of time to consider and think. You will graduate in May (or might not), but that’s not the end of the time. Life will still go on after you graduate and you have more time to think about it. As you said, it’s different from going to high school after middle school; you don’t have to make a decision right away, you can take a time as long as you want. Graduation is not an end, it’s just a beginning!

[The West Gate]


As for me, I am also afraid of graduating and moving into the “real world” as people say. But I have plans and I will tell you my plans for the future; it might help you. So I guess I will graduate in May of 2010. I will go back to Korea and take a test to join the armed force as an interpreter officer in November of 2010. I don’t know I can pass the test because it is pretty competitive. I preferably want to become a Navy interpreter officer, because it is more prestigious than an Army officer and also because it is easier than to become an Air Force officer.
I will serve my country as an officer for 2 or 3 years depending on which force I will join. Let’s say it will be 2 years. I will finish my service in January of 2013. I will then start to study for the diplomat test. I think I told you about it. It is extremely hard to pass the test because they only select 14, 5 people in the whole country every year. I will study for the test for about 2 years (hopefully I will pass this in 2 years). Then I will become a diplomat in 2015 or 16. After that I will finally start to make some money. After I become a diplomat, I will move around the world. I might work in some random African country or luckily in European country for another 2, 3 years.

Then I want to continue my study in the States and my country will pay me to study! My dream school for now is the Kennedy School of Gov’t, but I think any decent graduate school is fine. Maybe I will be back to the bay area. I plan to get my Master’s but I am also interested in getting Ph.D or J.D. When I finish my school, it will be around 2020 and I will be in my mid thirties (that’s depressing). I don’t know my ultimate career goal now. It can be a professional politician, professor, or writer.

[The guy is throwing salts on the ground to melt snow]

It might sound ridiculously specific and idealistic. I think so too. I don’t have any backup plan yet, I should make some. I am not telling you this to persuade you to make a super detailed plan for your future. I’m just telling you what I’m thinking right now. I made these plans to convince my dad and myself. I have to convince my dad that I have “plans” for my future and I won’t be a jobless person. I also need to convince myself who is afraid of his own future. I am just like you. I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, so I make these plans.

You mentioned “the capacity for failure”. I guess no one is free of that. I am still debating whether I need to study for the diplomat test or not because I am afraid that I won’t pass the test. I am also scared of failure. I don’t want to waste 2 years of my life or more for nothing. You might be thinking something similar.

Let me tell you a story about my senior year. I worked at Panda Express in my second semester of the senior year when I was waiting for accepting letters from the colleges. I got off from the work around 10 or 11pm and I had to walk back to my house, because I couldn’t drive and there was no bus running that time. I think about lots of things every night as I was walking back from the work. At that time, I worried about two things for the most: one was regarding college apps and the other was senior prom. I worried what if I don’t get into Georgetown, my dream school. My fear became a reality in the end. When I got a rejection letter from GT, I was really depressed for many days but it wasn’t the end of my life. I luckily got into Cal and I also got my prom date.

[As I was looking for beautiful spots to take pics, I coincidently discovered this: "An American Friend of the Chinese People". He is a famous American journalist who travelled throughout China during the Red Revolution. I read his book before I came here. His last name is Snow]

[Hey there]

What I want to tell you through this stupid anecdote is that don’t be afraid of failure. It is always better to try and fail than to not try and not fail. If you try, at least you won’t regret. I am really afraid of not passing that diplomat test and wasting my time, but I will probably take it because I don’t want to regret it later.

I will tell you one more boring anecdote. It is about my dad. He went to Michigan Law School and met my mom there. But he didn’t like law, so he became a CPA. He wasn’t also very happy with working as a CPA, so he went to MBA school and now he is working at a nice American firm where he gets paid loads of money. He really likes his job now. He started to realize in his thirties what he wanted to do. He tried many different things and finally found the right one. That actually applies to his marriage too. He didn’t get along with his first wife, my mom, and now he lives happily with his 2nd wife. So, I am not afraid of wasting few years in my twenties trying different things.

I don’t know these stories work for you. Hopefully they do. This letter’s getting too long. I want to apologize for that. The funny thing is that I don’t remember anything about academic schedule of Berkeley. What’s going on there now? I don’t know whether you are in amid midterms or not, but I know you are in school right now. I hope this long letter doesn’t distract you from studying. I will send the second letter shortly; actually I am going to write it right now.

Best,

Jay